Top 09 things I'm not looking forward to in 2009

So it's the last day of the year and many a time, people consider ways they want to improve on the previous year. This is largely a waste of time, which got me thinking about all the time I've wasted in 2008. The result of all this thinking produced the following list: "Top 9 ways I wasted my life in 2008," or more aptly, "Top 9 ways I'm going to waste my life in 2009."




9. Playing video games by myself.

Look here at this thing I've been doing since 1984. Playing Nintendo is more real to me than human relationships. I wish there was more to life than this, but who knows?

8. Quitting my job.

I had a job that I loved, but I quit because people told me I wasn't making as much money as I could with my degrees. Well I showed them! (By not getting another job) So far this has been a big waste of everyone's time.

7. Trying to write.

If you're an idealistic person who has a pronounced (though likely visceral) command of the English language, then perhaps you too have thought about writing a book. I have writ and writ and writ, only to destroy it all come morning . I don't even really want to get into it, other than to say that each incident was a little waste of my lifetime.

6. In a Wal-Mart.

I've gone to the store so many times, not really knowing what I was looking for, wandered around for a bit trying to imagine myself owning this digital picture frame or that 18" poseable Spider-Man toy, but nothing sticks and I leave empty handed. (Image courtesy of the Division of Vector-borne Infectious Diseases of the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention)

5. Not listening to music.

Sometimes Silence is Golden. But I don't think I've listened to nearly as much music as I could have. Thanks to dean-bags I've come to know just how much of my life has been wasted not listening to music, and I sadly anticipate the continuance of this trend on the morrow unless Paco posts his Top Secrets of 2008 list.

4. Playing Fantasy Football.

There are two ways to play Fantasy Football, one of which involves wanting to win.

I wanted to win this year real bad. I found all kinds of nfl news websites and fantasy football forums, all of which were browsed by yours truly for much more time than necessary for coming in 2nd place. Do I want those 2008 hours back? Not necessarily. Not sure what else I'd do with them.

3. Thinking.

This probably should be number one, but I don't want you to get the impression that thinking is a waste of time. But you know what I'm saying. Thinking doesn't always have to lead to inaction. Sometimes thinking can lead to good works! If you think about all the ways that thinking has got us to where we are today, you'll be really amazed! But if you think about it for too long, then you won't be helping us to get anywhere tomorrow.

"Wait... who says we're going anywhere?" (<-- see what I mean??)

And just to promote further thought: mad cred for the person who determines the connection to the image above.

2. On a couch.

Don't get me wrong. I'm in love with couches. I love what they have to offer. When I think on what article of living room furnishings I want to be most like for the sake of my brethren, I most definitely want to be a couch for them.

But just like with food and exercise, too much of a good thing can kill you. I hope to continue my love affair for just a while longer, though. Hopefully to at least the end of the current baktun.

1. Playing Hearts.

Look, I don't know the age group here, so pardon my language.

F*ck Hearts.

In college I had to delete the scourge from my hard drive. Too bad it was backed up in the Windows folder. Whenever I get close to doing something productive, Start button, click, programs, click, applications, click, games, click, hearts...

It's not even Internet Hearts! I'm not even playing against real people! I'm playing against the North, East, and West!! Or Pauline, Michele, and Ben for you Windows Millennium Edition users.

I don't want to estimate the amount of time spent wasted on Hearts in 2008 because I don't want to get depressed about my 2009 just yet. There's so much life to live here yet still for a while and there's no need to see how much of it is going to be wasted just yet. I've got to come up with some way of eliminating Hearts from my life, but it's like deciding when to gouge out my right eye because it's making me sin. There never really seems like a good time to do it.

My hope is that all of you live life as you see best fit for all the years we have still to come. I would like to share also that some time wasters of Christmas Past, like, "watching tv" or "smoking" or "talking to friends" have completely disappeared from my life. This goes to show that not all time wasting habits are eternal. Let this snippet of hope guide the biddings of you and your loved ones in this great future year of 2009.