Thursday, December 11, 2008

Eli Stone's top 10 cases of 2008 ::: 10-to-6

I started watching Eli Stone last year because it was created by Greg Berlanti and what else is there to do on Tuesday nights? Anywayz*, Greg Berlanti is teh hottnesss and I would totally touch his wiener if I was that cowboy who played Donnie Darko. Instead, I’d much rather hold this lady's umbrella. But come on! Eli Stone is a lawyer/prophet who takkes on incredible cases and has a tumor IN HIS HEAD which makes him break out into song and dance hallucinatations which he can see but nobody else can cause THEY'RE FROM G*D!!1! It’s hilarity!

10. Eli takes on autism: Eli blames a kid’s autism on mercury used in big pharma’s vaccines. All the doctors in the country (including this one) say “aw hell naw!” But Eli wins! Maybe not. I cant member. But there was dancing! And singing! And George Michael! This one. Not the Bluth.

9. Eli takes on pesticides: In this episode, Eli took on farmers who hired illegal Mexican workers and dumped pesticides on them while they wer working. Jerks. I think they took a settlement in this one. Like in Erin Brochovich. Man, Julia Roberts is sassy in that one.

8. Eli takes on surgery: Eli totally helps sue this surgeonn who left a pair of handcuffs in a patient after sewing them up. (SPOILER ALRET! THE PATIENT DIES!!!) Maybe not handcuffs, but like a dirty dish rag or something. Victor Garber sings in this one. You know, Jack Bristow from Alias. What a badass.

7. Eli takes on poor people: Well, kind of. He has a vision from God to evict bunch of poor bums from a housing place because a ginormous earthquake is about to happen. So he gets them kicked out onto the street, but they live! God is like Al from Quantum Leap in this one. “Ziggy saiz 77% chance of earthquake. Sam, WHY are you wearing a dress????!?!?!”

6. Eli takes on abstinence: George Michael plays himself for reealz in this one. Some teenage girl (who’s actually 28; I IMDB’d her assssss) plays a sexy George Michael song at an abstinence rally at her school. And they expel her IMDB’d assss. Eli wins because he’s all like, “she’s just expressing her right to be awesome and go to high school when she’s 28!” O boy! Ziggy comes through!

*editor's note: The spelling was for real at first -- I literally cannot type. But some of them were so awesome that I couldn't correct them. So then I added a few more. Expect even more awesomeness on the rest of the list. Speeling is for loosers.

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