Saturday, January 01, 2011

bring it down to a slow dance

Okay, 2011, listen up. 2010 was a year for the books - these past few days I have been trying to decipher the code and deem 2010 either a bad year or a good year. Guess what? I can't. The jury's out and will remain out on this issue for me personally. So, I've decided to compile a list of the top Life Altering Events of 2010, (the order of events lack significance). They are both grand and terrible. I will note on which side the event is on by a unicorn icon for good, sad puppy face for bad. If you, the reader, only want to read the good ones, find the unicorn. If just the sad ones, as some of you sadists are, search for the puppy.


I LOST MY JOB. What a dumb ass year for employment nationwide. Non Profit institutions in Indiana had high death tolls this year. Dumb ol' Mitch Daniels slashed budgets by about a gazillion dollars. Somehow in my pompous youth, i thought for sure that I was safe from the lay offs. I was definitely wrong. In April I was told that i could continue working until August, and I tried. But every day was torture. Let's remember, I was very good at being a social worker. and by very good, I mean it. Passing out my clients to some social workers who were far less compassionate and thorough was torture. (Some of my colleagues were super great) So, though I got laid off, I felt bullied out of where I called home for nearly 5 years. Bull shit alert.

BEAR TOWN. This may not seem awesome to anyone but andy and me, but we took an awesome vacation to the Smokey Mountains this year. It was glorious. Andy, Blue Ridge Mountains and BEARS! Once, when I was in middle school, I saw, for a few seconds a Grizzly Bear and that was sweet. But this trip was FULL OF BEARS, beautifully cute black bears. It was totally tubular. For real. We felt threatened a few times, we felt warm hearts a few times and mostly we just felt like "these bears rule the school". Honestly, may sound lame to everyone but me, but for sure worthy to be called mind blowing.

MORTALITY SITS NEAR. This year was a tough year for my family on my dad's side. My papa, who happens to be one of my favorite men of all time, had a fire in his barber shop, he had mutiny in his shop, sold all his father's belongings... AND nearly died in a terrible car accident. He said it started because he was sneaking ice cream and he didn't buckle his safety belt due to needing two hands for the delicious treat. Anyways, some little 16 year old idiot ran a stop sign, hit his truck and flipped it. My papa went flying out of the truck and into the field. He didn't sustain too many injuries, but when something like that happens, it hits you, ya know? Like, tiny details of every day can cause a life to spiral down hill in a matter of minutes. I asked for the name of the kid. All I wanted to do was bully him into apologizing to one of the men who make my world a brighter place, but being graceful and full of mercy, he wouldn't give me the little jerk's name. Sometimes a girl just thinks about life and death and even the thought sitting near is sad and scary.

INDECISIVE BROTHER FINDS HIS WAY. I remember the days my brothers were born. Never, ever, ever was I jealous. Having siblings is one of the best parts of my life. It's definitely one of the saddest things in my life that I don't get to see my brothers on a more regular basis. It's heart breaking really because I think there is nothing cooler than having people who are part of you yet so different. The family of origin is a tricky beast sometimes, but mostly, in my case, it's an okay thing. My brother, roger, who rules, btw, he had a rough time deciding where to put all his talent. Because he is talented beyond belief. He's so smart, athletic, super social, so adaptable and sensitive to people around him. He's the full package. Anyways, this year, he enlisted in the Navy - which some on this blog might not love, but I love it. I love it. and i'll yell it down every street in fort wayne that I love it. He's been hand picked for the Honor Guard in DC - which is awesome. He did amazingly well in boot camp and I just know, as corny as this sounds, he's where he belongs at this moment in his life. it's a beautiful thing, really, seeing someone bloom over the span of his life.

SOMETIMES PEOPLE GROW UP. It's been sort of heart breaking watching my little community disband. I fought with myself whether or not to put this event on 'ze blog, but it seemed obvious. Some people will disagree and argue that I shouldn't feel this way. But i got big news for you people, i feel deeply and I am sad that Bryce is moving to Korea. And I am sad that Jim and Anna moved out of the house. I have lived with Anna since 2003. For a short time in 2007, we lived 30 seconds apart, but basically, that still counts. Sometimes, you build a need for people to be close physically. My definition of survival looks differently than most. And even though it's a good thing for them, Bryce and Anna and Jim, when I come home to a home without them, I feel incomplete.

I BECAME A LIBRARIAN AGAIN. So, after months of waiting tables (and loving it). And months after applying and interviewing for a sundry of jobs around fort wayne, BOOM, the Allen County Public Library hires me as a Children's Librarian at the Main Library. This is earth shattering in a terrific way: watch out, let the Outside Hire through. I still can't believe it, seriously. I suppose I just decided in the interview, welp, yeah right, like I'll get hired, let's go all out. So I did. And so I got the job. It's weird. And it's hard. But it's good. I get to walk to work every day and a residual effect is better cardiovascular health. I get to wear these fabulous green pants at least once a week and I get to help kids who like to read. I get to know the low down on all the best kids' books and I get a magnetic name tag that unlocks doors! All of these things are pretty radical. I also get to write incident reports, see poop in the Great Hall and hear people being really mean to kids - which, that's not so awesome, but e'ry thing good outweighs the crazy.

A DECADE LATER. Time has this way of completely obliterating my mind. I turned 27 in the summer. And on June 11, 2010 - my dad's death-iversarry was TEN YEARS. Ten years is a long time. Ten years is a long time to be without someone. Mostly, I still feel 17 about this whole ordeal. I still can't believe it. But when I realized that a it's been a decade, well, it blew my mind. The thing about time is, it just is so fake. I can't believe we measure years the way we do, I guess it's good otherwise we'd all be confused. For instance, if we didn't, i wouldn't know if my dad died yesterday or eons ago, because basically, that's how it feels: so far and so close simultaneously. But, here we are, a decade has passed. Does that make sense to any one else?

APRIL & POEMS. This past spring, you'll never guess what i did. Maybe you will, especially if you know me at all. But i'll got ahead and say it, since it changed my life. I wrote a poem a day every day for the month of April. I've never done that. Along with the writing, I was always super afraid of writing about certain items... but in April I was all like "watch out, bitches, imma go there and go there with grace. " and I did. I basically like lots of my April poems, but I like what happens after you know you can do something that seems hard. Pride. Achievement. yada. yada. yada. Brett Jenkins was instrumental in this whole ordeal and basically, she's totally awesome. Also, I'm going to do it again some time. Just, it's hard to do. :)

Let's face it, this list isn't complete. Tons more shit went down then i have documented, but, at it's core, this list represents the major life changing events in 2010. I left out little stuff, like kids throwing trash in my face, some other events that went down in the summer, dropping my phone in the lake, getting my ear lobes pierced at the mall and promptly removing them... you know, big stuff that has happened, but didn't change me drastically.That's what i left out.

so, there you go, list friends.
a real, vulnerable list that blows the internet apart.
welcome home, 2011.
2010, see ya never.