Top Scotts, Tod Dogs

I really wanted to get this list out quick. I knew that if I waited to long, then all my favorite jams would appear on someone else’s list. So here they are. The top 10 songs of 2014

10. Paper Mouth Times “Tell me tell me can you talk to moms?”

This one almost didn’t make the cut. But I have been listening to a lot of music in the past few days trying to make this list, and for the past few days I can’t quit singing “I need a girl who can handle my affairs, everyone knows I don’t like dealing with parents, tell me can you talk to moms, baby can you talk with dads too?” Paper Mouth Times might have made a few mistakes this year (“Last Week’s Tiles”, “Baby Grabbing”), but this wasn’t among them.

9. Tim’s Sister Jen “ That bag has lots of straps”

What can we say? 2014 has definitely been the year of the strap. Yet T.S.J. manages to jump aboard the band wagon and take us in a whole new direction. T.S.J. may not be subtle about their love of pop culture, but that’s what makes this song so good. Indeed, all anyone can think about is straps, but never before have we thought about them with such a sense of belonging.

“How many straps? What? How many straps? Lots!”

8. In the Time of Clips “No shoes, no shirt, no crystals”

The beauty of this song lies in its simplicity. The way the synths and pads dance around Hester’s dream like voice makes us almost wonder if we she is even really singing at all, or if these words are materializing directly into our brains. “I need 7 crystals to perform a magic ritual of healing, or my grandma is a gonner. Sorry dude; can’t you read the sign? Yeah but I’ve got all the other stuff, all that’s left is the crystals. Please. She’s really bad off. Beat it punk.” You can’t make that shit up.

7. D.J. Snakey Dick “Oh shit, Sherlock”

The first time I heard this song, my friend Jim looked at me and said “That’s it, I’m done.” We knew that this was gonna be big. We’ve got ourselves a double decker dance anthem on our hands. The constant chugging of the bass, the slip stream riffs of the guitar. Who hasn’t walked out of a club chanting “The Baskervilles train arrives at 12 o’clock, all aboard hell hound, oh shit Sherlock.”

6. Toronto Cat Cam “the littlest cakes ever”

What lead singer Marsh Billers lacks in size, he sure as hell makes up for in sound. His voice is like a two ton cannon blasting out menthol cigarettes and postcards marked “wish you were here. . .NOT”. Toronto Cat Cam’s live show is a tour de force in dreams and neighbors. The playful bigotry between Billers and drummer Larry Phrases is a delight to behold onstage.

5. Seth Towns “Why do all the girls love Brandon?”

It seems like Seth Towns arrived out of nowhere. Last years “Dammit, Brandon” planted a subconscious seed in our minds. Town’s online only release of “Tell me that’s not Brandon over there with Sara Tiffanies” pulled us in slowly and wrapped its sultry honky tonk tentacles around our hearts. But what really got us was the smooth jazzy, alt country styling’s of “Why do all the girls love Brandon?” I’m sure we haven’t heard the last of Seth Towns, or Brandon for that matter.

4. Darcy and the Pitbulls “Mary had a little bottom” (Strap Gift remix)

It might have been a slow year for Darcy and the Pitbulls, but London’s Strap Gift took us for the ride of a lifetime. Strap Gift has somehow managed to turn the unlistenable “Mary had a little bottom” into an all out rock riot of raucousness. Yes “Mary had a little bottom, whose size was small and dull” but this is definitely a different Mary and a different bottom than the one dreamt of by Darcy and the Pitbulls.

3. Dillby Paters “This time it’s money”

We were all shocked to learn that Flame Johnson was calling it quits and leaving Now that’s My Deals. But who would have thought that fledgling drummer Paters would rise from the ashes that was Deals and release an astounding solo debut? Not Chad, that’s who. Paters hit single “This time it’s money” showed the world that he meant business and business is good. Some may call Paters music experimental, but I say the experiment is on you, asshole!

2. 5% of 12 is Horse Cock “bbbbbbbbbbbbbbtt”

“bbbbbbbbbbbtt” is the kind of song that is full of swirls and eddies, tides and tidies. Somehow it manages to be both crisp and blunt at the same time. At once loud and not as loud. It’s the paradox that lovers of 5% of 12 is Horse Cock have come to know and love. In his sing songy style A. A. Milne reminds us that “life is a nice time. Nice times are icy parts and party pants. Patty is definitely a ho. Now everybody stand and do a tammy dance!”

1. The Mighty Mighty BossTones “Take your stacks of things NOW!!!”

The world was stunned with the announcement that the legendary Bosstones would finally be releasing their long awaited follow up to Pin Points and Gin Joints, but the biggest surprise of the year came when we found out that in fact, they’ve still got it. “Take your stacks of things NOW!!!” picks up right where they last let off, only more in your face than ever before. The horns and the chants and the skank parties are all still there, except now they are all multiplied sevenfold and many more times. I tried to count how many times in a day I saw someone listening to their ipod supreme mouthing the words “don’t make me spray you with some water, don’t make me put my hand in your face, don’t make me tell you that your silly, take your stacks of things NOW!!!”, but there were just to many to count.

We can only hope that 2015 brings more of what we love, and what we love is all these songs I mentioned in the aforementioned list above this sentence.