Saturday, December 12, 2009

22 Ways to Improve Twilight: New Moon Including 21 Songs from 2009 and One Fight Scene: PART ONE

I heard that Twilight: New Moon had a pretty decent soundtrack. Good for Mormon Vampires, I say. Or kudos, if you like. But knowing how I know more about tuneage that your average Mormon music supervisor in Palo Alta, California, here are a batch of songs that would have catapulted the movie to a whole new level of outstandingness. Like War Games outstanding. So even though I haven't seen the movie, I have seen the trailer enough times to understand the basic plot, and understand how sweet songs would make this already awesome movie even awesomer. Here is the trailer for those of you who have been living in Uruguay filtrating water or combating soil erosion.

Understand the awsomeness? Obviously you do. Now here's how it gets even awesomer.

WARNING: Real and/or fake SPOILERS ahead.

The Cool Kids - Knocked Down - Opening song for the film. A montage of Bella, Edward and Jacob waking up and getting ready for school. Choosing the right lid, lacing up their kicks, throwing on a sick polo. Toe-to-head shots of each of them leaving their houses, loading into an Escalade (I don't care if the werewolf and the vampire don't really interact, this scene is cooler than "continuity"), popping the moon roof, and exiting slow motion into the school parking lot.

Animal Collective - My Girls - This song plays way before Edward breaks up with Bella so he won't be tempted to kill he by drinking her blood. In a happy moment, Edward give Bella a piggy back ride while swinging from trees in Washington State like a pale monkey. What? He doesn't swing from trees? Well he does in this movie. Because it would make a memorable scene. What a joyful swing in the trees it would be with this song playing! Bella whooping! Edward smiling! Bella laughing! Edward wanting to drink her blood! Bella biting her lip! Future Edward breaking up with her because of what happens in the every next scene!

Dan Deacon - Paddling Ghost - This song plays during the birthday party for Bella. It's all fun and games until Bella gets a paper cut and some vampire dude tries to waste her. What a douche. But until then, kickass boat party with vampires and ghosts and pirates and cuddly, hand-gesturing horses. Bill Murray makes a cameo appearance as Peter Venkman.

Beyonce - Halo - This song will play while Edward breaks up with Bella because he's afraid he or his family members will try to drink her blood or something similarly inappropriate. The lyrics will opposite-reflect the current state of Bella and Edward's relationship. Regardless, Beyonce is freaking beautiful and I could watch this video all day. Also, angels.

Richard Swift - The Atlantic Ocean - This song plays while Edward takes a plane across the ocean to Europe. There will be a comedy of errors in which he will miss his original flight, take an alternate flight to France, walk around like Charlie Chaplin in City Lights complete with stache and cap, misplace his flower, eat some cheese and crusty bread, fight some sweet robot dancers who are terrorizing the French, then hitch hike across the alps to Italy. There will be a graphic novel tie-in chronicling his further adventures exclusive to Barnes and Noble.

Grizzly Bear - Two Weeks - This song plays as we get to understand the monotony of Bella's life post-Edward. She wakes up. Cries. Goes to school. Cries. Takes notes in chemistry. Cries. Eats lunch with new BFF Werewolf. Cries. Doesn’t worry about her boyfriend wanting to kill her for her blood. Cries. Does wicked hard daredevil stunts after school on motorcycles with Werewolf. Cries. Tries emailing her vampire boyfriend but remembers that he doesn’t know how to use technology because he's 108 YEARS OLD AND CAN’T LEARN THE COMPUTER BOX! Cries. This scene will break your heart!


Up Next: Songs from Wye Oak and Raekwon, plus French dance crazes. Stay tuned.

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